Far Too Young to Die
by Elna11
Summary: A diary from the POV of Helen Andrews, wife of Thomas Andrews Jr., telling the (fictional) tale of their relationship and life! Please read!
1. Chapter 1

_**Hi again everyone! So, after nearly 3 years, I've decided to revise my old fanfiction 'Married to the Shipbuilder' and give it a new lease of life! Better writing, a few extra chapters and some improvements will hopefully make this a little bit better :) Once again, I am basing the story off of what is known of their actual relationship, and real events in history. The rest is down to my imagination. So, here we go again! I hope you enjoy :D**_

_**Disclaimer: I still don't own Titanic, Thomas Andrews or anyone related to him. Obviously.**_

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When people ask me of the most memorable moment of my life, this seems to be the first thought that surfaces. I will always think of this as the day my life changed... for better or for worse. At the risk of sounding too cliché, I'll let you be the judge of that... but I will forever hold this and the years that ensued in my heart as the best and most bitter-sweet time of my life.

The day that I am referring to is Christmas Day, in the year 1903. As was typical of my Mother, a party was to be thrown at the same time every year. Every year since my Father died, a large and exciting celebration was held, with lots of people, alcohol and activity. I think the reason for all of this was to fill the loneliness that my Father had left behind after his death in 1901. But I didn't think this then. I was 22, and my focus was on the good-looking gentlemen who would flock here every year. Some were here every year, some were just passing through, and some were 'old friends' who we hadn't seen since time immemorial.

Huddled round each other with a glass of champagne each, my friends and I inspected the interesting crowds dotted round the large room. The Harland's were in one corner of the room, chatting relentlessly to Mother. They were some of the old friends. There was one in that group, Henry, who was a few years older than me who I'd small-talked with numerous times throughout the evening. He had big ambitions and was planning on going abroad one day. I knew Mother would find him a suitable man for me to marry. That's probably what they were talking about right now.

"Henry had quite an interest in you then, eh?" One of the girls in my circle murmured.  
"I think he had more of an interest in sharing his thoughts on the future of architecture than his feelings about me." I laughed half-heartedly.  
"What about Mr. Andrews then?" She giggled like a little girl.  
"Who?"  
"Oh, that one over there." My eyes followed her finger to a small bunch of young men, engaged in conversation near the door. The one standing on the edge glanced momentarily up at me, and as he saw me looking, gave a small smile. I turned away, trying to conceal my ever-growing blush. Five times we made made little glances at each other that evening, but not a single word was spoken between us.  
I went to bed that night feeling giddy, both off the champagne I'd consumed and of the unexpected attention from the mysterious Mr. Andrews. Before slipping into a deep slumber, I made a mental note to inquire about him at some point. And maybe I'd finally be able to... learn a little more about him.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Hello! Next chapter up. A longer one this time! This is based off the first chapter of Married to the Shipbuilder.**_

_**Disclaimer: I still don't own Titanic, Thomas Andrews or anyone related to him. Obviously.**_

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_Spring, 1904_

The sound of my mother calling from outside my bedroom roused me from my sleep.

"Helen! Make sure you look your _very _best!"  
I groaned inaudibly as the blinding sunlight flooded in as Jane (my maid) threw open the curtains.  
"I suppose you'll be looking forward to your meeting today then?" She questioned, overly enthusiastic. I mumbled a small "no" in response. It was just another in the flurry of suitors Mother was constantly trying to make me marry. I suspect by now Mother had drained the entirety of Northern Ireland of prosperous single men to come and meet me! For a while after Father had died, my older brother, John Milne Barbour, had looked after us. But soon enough he had to leave with his wife Elise to look after and maintain the family business. And now Mother had gone from subtle encouragement to full out desperation for me to be married off. I was beginning to tire of it all. Sometimes it was hard to just muster up the strength to leave my bed in the morning.  
But none-the-less, I did, and was being fussed over to a whole new level. I combed through my long, curly auburn hair whilst Jane powdered my face an awful translucent white. I hated it. The fashion of the time was to have perfect, porcelain skin. Not perfect if you have a face full of freckles. Whilst my hair was being twisted into an elaborate 'do, Mother came bustling in, carrying a pretty dress of emerald green satin.

"Helen, I thought you might wear this today. It's more formal than any of your other day dresses, and I want you to make the best _dignified _impression on the young man I've invited. He's coming with his family, I happen to be well-acquainted with his parents." She explained, shooing Jane away and fiddling with my hair herself.

"Why, thank-you Mother, I'm sure I wouldn't be able to impress them in any of my other dresses." I smiled with false sweetness. Mother didn't comment upon my sarcasm, and pulled me up from the dressing table.

About half an hour later, I was tied into my corset and new dress. Finally, Mother left and I was able to catch my breath for a few minutes. In the mirror, I admired the way the skirt skimmed off my slender waist and the way the locket my Father gave me glistened in the rays of light. That way, I thought, he would still be with me in a way. As I was thinking of him, I heard the front door open, and I smoothed out the creases in the soft fabric of my dress before tip-toeing out onto the stair landing. I heard a flurry of unfamiliar voices, and as I crept down the old wooden staircase, I saw two men and a woman. The younger of the two men, to my disbelief, was the Mr. Andrews I had admired a few months previously. I presumed the others to be his parents, as they were talking happily away to Mother, about children, the weather, and what-not.

"And this is Helen, my youngest. I'm sorry I was unable to introduce her before." Mother raised her hand and gently tugged me to the bottom stair. I gave a polite smile at the trio.  
"Well, Elizabeth, should we continue through and allow these two to get to know each other? I'm sure our Thomas will behave himself with lovely Helen here." The lady gave a polite nod in my direction.

"Yes, I think that would be a splendid idea. This way." Mother gestured to the direction of the sitting room, and threw a cautionary glance at me before following the older couple.

Mr. Andrews stood for a few long moments, just looking me over before finally conversing with me.  
"It's a pleasure to meet you at last, Miss Barbour. I started to think we never would." He took my hand and kissed it. He had a strong, deep Irish accent that enveloped me as he spoke.

"It's lovely to meet you too. But I'm sure we would have finally spoke at one of Mother's outrageous Christmas get-togethers at some point though, wouldn't we?" I smiled like a bashful love-struck school girl. Especially when he let out a quiet laugh.  
"I would like to think so, Miss. It would be a shame to lose out on such a pretty acquaintance like yourself." He grinned. I inwardly squealed, but calmly hopped off the last step into the open hallway that was filled with the brightness of day. The door was still open, and outside my eyes caught a glint of red metal.  
A motorcar, parked out on the gravel drive. Father used to have a black motorcar, but he barely ever used it.  
"Is that your car?" I asked, walking outside. He followed behind.  
"Yes, why?" He replied.  
I reached the vehicle, and circled it like a vulture. It was obviously new, and I was instantly curious. "It's a rather good-looking motorcar, sir." I complimented. He half-smiled at me, and rested his hand on the paintwork.  
"She's good-looking, I agree. But she's a nightmare when it comes to starting her up." He laughed, rubbing his hand on the metal.  
"May I?" I didn't really ask; I was already opening the door.  
"If you really want to..."  
Mr Andrews stood in the open doorway whilst I sat down. I liked this. I hadn't been in a proper motorcar for years!

"So, where are we goin'?" I asked half-jokingly. Mr Andrews let out a sarcastic laugh.  
"What makes you think I'm taking you anywhere?" He questioned, leaning against the door frame.  
"Well, you must be doing _something _with me, that's why you came, isn't it?" I folded my arms. His dark brown eyes were creased in a slight frown. "Haha, You're funny." He told me, glancing back towards the house.  
"I know." I replied, stepping out of the car. I looked straight into his face, and he looked straight back into mine.  
"Who said anything about the reason I came here?" He challenged. My God, he was tall. With heels on, I only just reached above his shoulder!  
"No-one, I'm just guessing." I said, trying to beat him in the battle.  
"Well, maybe you should stop guessing." He won the fight, practically all the warmth gone from his voice and the softness gone from his eyes. His words struck me like a blow to the head; no-one had ever spoken to me like that before. "Well, I... I..." I had not the faintest idea of what to say,

"Tommie!" A voice called out from behind Mr Andrews, who was still standing directly in front of me. "I hope you're not intimidating our lovely Miss Helen here, are you, Thomas?" It was his Father.  
"No, why would I do that?" Mr Andrews replied innocently. They walked away together until they were out of earshot. Defeated, I walked back to the doorway of my home. As I did, I overheard 'Thomas' remark, "Is she interested in me or the car?"  
Ha. Well. Maybe he should stop presuming as well.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Hello! The story is about to begin! :)**_

_**Disclaimer: I still don't own Titanic, Thomas Andrews or anyone related to him. Obviously.**_

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_The Next Sunday_

It was uncharacteristically early for me to be awake, but for the last week I hadn't been able to sleep as well. Mother had thoroughly lectured me after the disastrous first meeting, and all I could think about were her words - "You are unbelievable! After all the hassle you cause, what gentleman would want to marry you?" Right now, Mother was still in bed. I had risen earlier and made myself a steaming cup of tea, to drink over the morning newspaper. My hair was plaited to mid-back length loosely, and I had a light robe thrown over my nightgown. At a more appropriate hour, I will ask for a bath to be run.

As I was finishing a random article on something I wasn't really reading, a sudden knock at the door made me jump. Why would anyone be calling upon us at this hour? A gentle rain had started to fall, casting a soft haze across the distance. I pulled my gown closer around my shoulders and the low-cut nightdress, and hurried to unlock the door. To my surprise, none other than Mr. Andrews stood before me!

"I'm sorry for the intrusion, Miss Barbour, but I need to talk-" Mr. Andrews started.  
"Shhh," I didn't want to wake Mother. "Mr. Andrews, what on earth are you doing here?"  
"I need to talk to you." He murmured, casting his glance to the ground.

"Well... would you like anything? Come in..." I took his wrist and guided him into the hallway, from the rain. We walked into the sitting room. "Would you like anything?" I asked sweetly.  
"No, thankyou," He replied. "Please, listen. I'm sorry about the other day. It wasn't at all like me. But, if you like, we could still go out on that drive..." He looked at me expectantly.

I didn't know if Mother would even allow me to go on my own, considering she barely lets me walk in the gardens by myself. But, Mother is asleep, and if I'm quiet...  
"Yes, I would like that... but you'll have to let me get dressed." I gestured to my nightclothes.  
"Of course. I'll just wait here." Mr. Andrews smiled.

I rushed to wake up Jane for her to dress me, and I was sure Mr. Andrews would have left before I came back. Nonetheless, he was still sitting there when I returned, reading the paper I had left on the coffee table. I left a note for Mother, who had miraculously still not stirred. Jane was to give it to her when she woke up.

"Are you ready to go?" Mr. Andrews asked.  
"Yes, I'm ready."

"Then let's go."


	4. Chapter 4

**_Hello everyone! Hope you're all doing OK :) Here's an update, hope you enjoy :)_**

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The car ride passed in comfortable quietness, and the air of awkwardness between us seemed to pass. We made light talk about things like family and the weather. Mr. Andrews was taking me to his hometown, about half an hour away – Comber. The rain had started to subside by the time we had finished, and the clouds were giving way to the beautiful golden sun. A few early birds were walking to church in their Sunday best, raising their hats as we drove past. I hadn't been here since I was a child, but from what I remember, little had changed. Little shops and houses ran alongside narrow streets, surrounding big round greens where people would come out and play cricket or other games on. Also nearby was Strangford Lough. Mr. Andrews parked up not too far away and we walked along together to a bench near the water.

"Would you like to start over again? Maybe this time we could start off on the right foot." Mr. Andrews asked, extending out his arm to take my hand. I nodded happily, and he brushed his lips against my gloved knuckles gingerly.  
"How do you do, Miss?" He laughed, his eyes sparkling.  
"It's a pleasure to meet you, sir. I must ask though, have we met before?" I feigned seriousness before breaking out into giggles.  
"I do believe we may have, Miss." He smiled. I could easily get lost in his voice and face.  
He turned away to face the Lough, which had rays of sun beaming off of its surface. A wave of melancholy came over his expression, as he watched the little boats and yachts bob in the distance.  
"What's wrong?" I murmured, leaning closer to him and placing my hand on his. He looked at me, giving me a half-smile.  
"Nothing's wrong. It's just being here, at home… I miss it." He sighed, glancing at our hands.  
"You know, when I was about 11, my very first boat sailed out from here. Across this very lough." Accomplishment rang out in his words.  
"What do you mean?" I wondered, not quite understanding.  
Mr. Andrews gave a low chuckle, smiling fully again. "Well, I came across a small rowboat, down by the water's edge, just rotting there. I asked all round, but no-body understood where it had come from, or who actually owned it. So, I rebuilt it." He finished proudly.  
"Mr. Andrews, that's-" I began to speak, but he put up his hand in protest.  
"Please, I think are able to talk on a first name basis now. Call me Thomas, at least."  
I blushed, smiling bashfully. "Well, Thomas, that's just… amazing. I've never known anyone like you." I patted his hand, feeling the warmth of his skin against the silky fabric of my gloves. It set my heart a-flutter.

After just one day, one conversation… I think I may be falling in love.


	5. Chapter 5

_August 1904_

Who knew what a hassle having two men courting you would be? Mother is making me choose between Henry and Thomas…. Dear Lord, help me. I feel love and affection for both gentlemen. I have built wonderful friendships as well, and I cannot bear to think that I may lose out on one of them… but there is more of a spark, a flame, with one more than the other. Last week Henry came and visited, and we strolled around the gardens, and as we did so…. As I heard him speak, all merged into one. I didn't feel myself hanging onto every word he said, I couldn't imagine myself getting lost in his world. Oh, my heart. It aches. I fear I may never speak to Mother again after what she is putting me through! She is insisting that I must marry soon, as I am "fast approaching 30". I just don't feel ready for this yet. Maybe… maybe, my mind is telling me, I should be with Thomas. A little voice inside my head is insisting for me to fall in love with him to the point of no return. I think I already am. So I'm sorry Henry, dearest, but…. I'm in love with Thomas. And I want him more than anything. I think I've made my choice…


	6. Chapter 6

**_Hello everyone! Hope you're all doing OK :) Thankyou to everyone reading! I'll try and update a bit more often ^_^_**

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I told Mother my decision that evening. I think she agreed with me, although she was giving me a look that suggested she was planning for something. For what, I'm not sure, but today I received a surprise visit. From Thomas. Mother didn't seem all that shocked, however, and I wonder why. Had I of known, I would have made more of an effort to present myself. Jane had just left my curls flowing down my back today, with the front and sides pinned delicately out of the way. I was wearing a simple lingerie day dress, and I hadn't bothered to put an inch of make-up on! He didn't seem to care. After much needed persuasion, Mother allowed me and Thomas to walk alone in the gardens surrounding my home. There were huge plots of roses and tulips, with nearby hedges growing up to 10 feet tall. As it was the summer, everything was in full bloom and the colours were vivid under the brilliant sunshine.

"I'm sorry it's been a while since I've been able to see you." Thomas apologized, offering his arm to me. I linked my elbow with his as we walked slowly among the greenery. I could smell the subtle hints of cologne as I came in closer to him.

"It's fine, really. Surely you've been busy with work?" I said absent-mindedly.

"Among other things." He murmured. I looked at him curiously.

"Come with me, Thomas, I have somewhere I want to show you!" I suddenly announced, pulling his arm a little. I wanted to take him to the place where I had spent so many of my childhood days. I hadn't been there in so long, but I silently prayed that it would still be in the same way as it was before, when my Father was alive and would spend hours there as well. We used to call it our 'little hideaway', as Mother and the others had no idea where it was.

I led Thomas through a gap in the row of neatly trimmed bushes and through some thoroughly over-grown pathways, before reaching my final destination. A small meadow, full of daisies, next to a skinny little stream where now and then a fish would come darting down. I was pleased to know that it wasn't as badly treated as the journey here.

"So, you took me somewhere that made you happy…" I walked ahead of him, entering the little glade. "I wanted to show you somewhere of my own. I used to spend so much time here when I was little. My father used to bring me. It's been so long now…" I explained, trailing off at the end. I kept my back towards Thomas as I thought of all the memories that I had here, and how life was when my father had time to be with me. I couldn't cry now! I could feel my eyes start to well up, so I tried to conceal it with my best efforts.

"Helen…"

"I'm fine. I just… this place. I used to love it here so much." I looked at him as he walked towards me. He didn't say anything, but gently gathered me up in his arms. I rested my cheek against his chest, and felt his breathing and heart beats quicken.

"How long has it been since you were truly happy, Helen?" He whispered into my hair. I tightened my grip on his jacket, letting out a little sigh.  
"I don't know." I murmured.  
He gingerly lifted my chin towards his, until his warm breaths were breezing over my lips. He paused, resting a hand on the back of my neck. I nudged forward, and our lips were pressed together – with a mild sort of urgency about it. My breathing hitched slightly as Thomas ran his fingers through my hair and down my back, as I looped my arms around his neck. I never wanted to leave his embrace again; it was over all too fast. As our lips parted, our noses rested together.  
"I want to make you happy, Helen. Please let me…" Thomas quietly pledged. And, of course, I was going to let him. How could I ever be happy without him?


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi everyone! Longer update ^.^ angst is gonna go down! **

**It's also Thomas and Helen's daughter Elba's birthday today, so yay :) I hope you enjoy, and thank you to my reviewers!**

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March 1905

I had returned that evening with an overwhelming sense of ease and comfort within me. Mother seemed to sense it too. I daren't explain to her what had gone on between me and Thomas - I could barely explain it to myself! But, Lord, how I was in love! I don't think I've ever been so... struck, by someone. I wanted to pour my affections out to every soul who ventured near! I felt as though I would never be happy again unless I could spend every waking moment in his presence and his embrace.

But with my great love for Thomas came a necessity to be patient. I was constantly counting down to the second I could be with him next. We had constant letters sent to each other, making us one bit closer to each other every time we did meet. I was hoping that he would be attending the dinner held in honour of an old friend's birthday, that both I and my Mother are going to tonight. Lots of people had been invited, so I've been told. I'm hoping that Mother won't see this as a chance to try and get me to socialize with others too much. According to her, me being courted by both Henry and Thomas had caused quite a stir amongst her friendship circles. Certainly my current situation will put them all at ease.

We departed from the house at about 6pm. The sky was quickly descending into dusk. I wore a pale blue gown, embellished with beads of sea green. My hair was swept up, and around my neck hung a long silver necklace adorned by little charms. Mother on the other hand, wore a silky black dress, trimmed with white lace. Her dark hair was pinned closely to her head, in tradition of the previous century.

The place of the dinner was far grander than much I had previously experienced; owned by one of my Father's close associates. Yards of gravelled driveway led up to a great mansion, built of creamy painted bricks and pretty French windows. Gardens seemed to surround the house for miles, with various types of foliage spewing from every corner. The golden light from inside flooded out, illuminating the emerald grass and trees. Inside, the grandeur knew no end. Oil paintings adorned the walls, stretching over the ceiling where they cumulated in the centre, above a shimmering chandelier. Long dining tables spread out along the room, with a large dark-wood dance-floor in the centre. I was pleased to see that in the far right of the room, stood the Andrews family. Thomas was there, in a sharp black suit, with both his parents and his siblings. Mother caught sight of them as well, and made a beeline towards the group with me in tow.

"Oh, Mr and Mrs Andrews, what a pleasure to see you here!" Mother boomed, greeting Thomas' parents in turn. Thomas smiled across at me, his chocolate eyes gleaming with happiness. Beside him stood his older brother, John. I had met him before; we shook hands in mutual respect. I hadn't met his sister Eliza before, but with the enthusiasm she greeted me with you would have thought we were old friends.

"Oh! So you are Helen?" Eliza asked, taking my hand in hers.

"I am. You are Eliza?" I replied, blushing slightly at her already knowing of me.

"Oh, dear, you can call me Nina! I've heard all about you!" She laughed. Before I could proceed the conversation further, the whole room was interrupted by a butler calling for us to sit for dinner.

I was sat next to Mother, with Thomas seated opposite me. The crisp white table cloth was soon swathed with all different sorts of food, drink and decoration. I found myself more engaged with silently exchanging looks with Thomas than actually tucking into the dishes pressed in front of me.

I felt Mother nudge me under the table.

"Stop gawking and eat your dinner." She whispered harshly. I let out a sigh, and continued to push my food round my plate. The exquisite banquet was quickly filling me, and the thought of more courses made my stomach turn. Thomas raised an eyebrow in concern, and I gave him a half smile. Someone had noticed us, and was quick to bring it to everyone's attention.

"So, Elizabeth! Is there any news on your dear Helen's marriage arrangements yet? Or is she still in a gamble between the affections of two?"

My mother put on a sickly sweet smile as she answered.

"She has, in a matter of fact, chosen who she would like to engage further in terms of marriage. So the answer to the latter, is no." I shrunk down in my seat, wishing the ground to swallow me whole. Thomas cast a comforting glance towards me, but I could barely meet his gaze.

"And who did she choose? Is he here now?" The woman who kept pressing was turning her attention to Thomas. He looked equally as embarrassed.

Mother replied coolly: "It seems as if you've found him, ma'am."

The group murmured among themselves.

Why was this such a shock to everyone? Why did anyone else care? The atmosphere was killing me. Society is a cruel ruler.

Did they all think I should have chosen Henry?

"Excuse me." I stood up quietly, desperate to leave the centre of attention. The many hoards of people merely kept their heads down, focused on their food. I left the room, and found myself in the excessive gardens towards the back of the manor. The air was chilly, and the faintest fog was visible when exhaling. I found refuge on a bench under a stooping tree, a fair distance from the party. Upper class society was a vicious circle, and it often presses it's opinions too closely to ones mind. Why were the people so surprised upon discovering our relationship? I was hardly worth a scandal, let alone Thomas. Maybe they all thought I had chosen wrong, or that I was… unworthy of such a suitor. I hated to dwell on the latter.

"Helen?" Thomas approached me, a soft expression delighting his features.

"Thomas..." I leant into his shoulder as he settled beside me. He drew my chin up so I could look into his face. I reached further and pressed my lips to his, savouring the velvet touch.

"Helen, don't listen to them."

"It's hard not to when others opinions are all you've ever known." I murmured, shaking my head.

"Prove to them that you have your own then." He shuffled away, enveloping my hand in his, warming them.

"How?" I slumped down, thoroughly perplexed.

"Marry me."

I gave a small laugh at his preposition. Surely he was joking?

"What… Thomas?" I stuttered, standing from the bench in front of him.

"Helen, what's stopping you? I'm being completely serious. Marry me." He rose too, brushing his fingers down my cheek.

"Thomas, I don't know what to say…" I turned away. "You saw what just happened there… I don't know, I need to think…" I couldn't stand to look back.

"Please, Helen." I heard him whisper. My heart was aching. I wanted to run to him and shower him with every affection in the world. But I didn't.

I walked away.


End file.
